Ever met someone who says "Oh I'm not very social, I don't like to talk very much" only to have them talk your ear off for two hours? Oh and during the course of their lengthy monologue they mention several times how much they don't like to talk? This is a prime example of incongruence. 

In specific the gal in the example exhibits a level of self awareness that is inaccurate. Her perception of herSelf is incongruent with the reality of who she is. She's either really a talker who doesn't possess the awareness of her true nature and her need for engagement with others OR she's genuinely not a talker but her behavior is unconsciously driven by another factor.

Without diving in and engaging in exploration of the Self, I cannot possibly know which is true for her. With just a few simple exercises (as outlined in this free course) our gal could sit down and identify her needs and values, claim her truth, and pin-point a place for intervention (either shifting her Self perception or changing her behavior to mirror her true nature).

I realize that the example provided appears rather insignificant in the scheme of things but I'll show you why it's not.

Any incongruency indicates something "doesn't fit". The original Latin term incongruentem literally translates to "not suitable or agreeing." (source link)

Something that's incongruent within the psyche or literally playing out in your life is the raw material for transformation.

Within the F*CK HAPPY GET CONGRUENT Paradigm, incongruency is simply the disembodiment of truth and values.

Here's another (more meaty example).

Sally is newly sober. She knows she has a drinking problem and wants to transform her life. She's actively participating in a local 12 step program and making new connections. Sally can picture herself thriving sober, for the long haul, because when she is sober she's able to grasp her value and worth as a human being. She is both attracted to sober living and the emotional pay offs but when she finds herself upset, her goto (unhealthy) coping mechanism is to drink and pop a pill.

This is a classic example of incongruence.

The deeper, more tender and true part of Sally wants to be sober but there's a disconnect on how to actually live this way. She's lacking the skills and coping mechanisms to make it possible to embody her truth and values.

Each time Sally uses, her behaviors are incongruent with her best self and how she derives self worth.

Imagine the quality of life available to you if you...

  • saw yourself clearly, all parts of you
  • embodied your truth with fearless compassion and kindness
  • took a greater level of responsibility for your needs and ensured your values were reflected in how you choose to live your life
  • go deeper and penetrated the surface of who you are, instead of bypassing the root cause 

What I want for the gal in the example presented above, is for her to really know herself and then make decisions and act accordingly.

This looks like knowing and honoring how much she likes to talk (which is totally fine). Or it looks like her learning how to settle into silence and talking less to fill the space.

Congruency arises naturally from alignment.
To be congruent is to be in a state of harmony— who you are, who you want to be, and the inner dialogue you're having about yourself— they all match up.

Incongruencies range from minor to significant— but all incongruencies serve as the raw material for transformation. This is the inspiration behind the F*CK HAPPY GET CONGRUENT Paradigm.

You can catch a glimpse of the concept here. 

What I want for you is to know yourself so well that you live in unshakeable confidence of who you are, what you value, and your truth— then shape your life to mirror them.

Harmony is the natural by product of congruent living. 

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