It sounds so insincere to say: Life is full of transitions, that in one way or another, we are all weathering some kind of change.
But the truth is, life stands still for no one.
Constancy, stability, routine are always on borrowed time. They are merely illusions we have consented to partake in. Illusions that serve us and give us structure.
2015 ended up being the best fiscal year within my business and without a moments hesitation I abandoned ship. In 2015, I blasted through my revenue goals during the first quarter, paid my independent contractors fair, competitive wages and spruced up my BYBAW branding kit (which I have since posted here on the blog for FREE).
But by mid year I knew I would be burying the bread n butter/web design aspect of my business for life had other plans for me.
On Letting Life Move Me
Last February I hopped in the car with my kids anxious to drop them off at grandma's house so I could have a "me" vacation. Hours before I set sail I got a phone call informing me that my grandfather was dying, that it was best to come say goodbye. To hurry, we didn't know how much time we had.
It turns out I had planned to be there for his final moments all along, I just didn't know it. I live 7 hours away and yet on the weekend that my grandfather died I was already en route.
Those last 48 hours were surreal. I had never seen a dying person before. Certainly not someone I loved and admired. The spectrum of emotions I experienced was intense, yet I felt presently relaxed and open to the pain, the beauty and the finality of it all.
It had been many years since my grandfather and I had shared a "conversation", at least a "normal" one (he always was a man of very few words). And yet some of my most precious memories with him are from the last few years when his brilliant, sharp mind dissolved and dissipated into the cosmos. It was with him (and another grandmother who suffered from Alzheimers) that I truly experienced love, connection and Spirit beyond the regular confines of human interaction.
And so when I found myself privileged to be by his side amongst my mother, grandmother and Hospice nurse as we watched his chest rise and fall for the last time I knew my life was forever altered. Three generations of strong, independent, loving, fierce women surrounded him openly expressing love and sadness simultaneously. It was so beautiful and moving that it brings me to tears now.
Just as naturally as the wind gust settles, so did his breathe. One moment he was "alive", the next he was not. And that was that. I always imagined death being much more dramatic and chaotic. In reality most natural deaths are often calm, quiet and peaceful.
In the months following his passing I couldn't help but shake the burning desire to learn more about and find a way to be a part of Hospice. I was so genuinely moved by the compassion, kindness and dignity Hospice extended to my loved one, a complete stranger to them, that I wanted to be a part of it.
I dedicated several months to honoring and processing my own personal loss before making an important decision / life trajectory shift until I knew that the calling on the path was legit and not a product of a heightened spiritual experience.
I allowed this desire to incubate in me.
Watching, listening and following the guidance of Spirit that came to me in nature, in my dreams and through various normal / "non"spiritual aspects of life.
New friends opened my heart.
Dreams revealed to me my path and the areas that needed to expand and evolve within me so that I could safely and smartly enter into Hospice / a nontraditional care provider housed in and service provider to the traditional medical arena.
Helping spirits and allies began affirming and teaching me before my feet landed in the sphere of Hospice. I followed up with action and dedication.
I threw myself into volunteering for the premiere local Hospice provider.
I devoured copious amounts of scholarly and respectable information of companioning the dying.
I even began a MSW thinking that would be the only path in.
But life had different plans for me.
In DEC 2015 I accepted a full-time position doing spiritual care for the Hospice organization I've been volunteering for.
And so here we are. BAM!
My theme FOr 2016: ssssssssculptor
I'm fully embracing the mystery of what will unfold here on www.sarahhnicotra.com but I know I'm not going anywhere. I plan to bring you my best writing, stories and resources for creating spiritual wellbeing.
Up next? I'll be synthesizing the building blocks for being the ultimate creator / sculptor of your life and reconnecting with your spiritual roots.
I've received a few messages lately too asking if I'm available for readings and healings. Yes! You can still work with me 1 on 1 to create spiritual wellbeing here: Clear Companion sessions but there are a limited # of available sessions. Message for me for special requests.
Lastly, feel free to email me if you have specific questions and I'll use them for future blog topics! As always, thank you for being here.
p.s. In the blog sidebar you can grab all the Before You Build A Website resources with just a click!